The Impact of Asking for Help from Another Person

Have you ever asked the Sage and Helpers in the presence of another to help them with a situation that seemed hopelessly on verge of disaster? I have done this on numerous occasions, thinking that my asking for help would at least ameliorate the situation for them, but never believing there could be actual "transformation" from that asking. The Sage has given me the most enlightening lesson on this topic. I now have a profound appreciation for just how much Help can be generated by asking for the help that is in the presence of another person and I want to share it with others. It is such good news. 

7 weeks ago, I learned that my ex-wife (age 49) was in near-death psychological shape. Her family of origin was preparing for her likely suicide from depression. During our marriage, years ago, I had witnessed her suffer from severe chronic depression that eventually developed into a clear "dead-person-walking" situation. From what I heard just 7 weeks ago, she was worse than ever. I did some of my own inner work, but also asked the Sage that is in the presence of my ex-wife to activate all the Help needed to help her with this situation. I put it all out of my mind at that time, sadly thinking that at least if she were to die it might be an easier death than couldÕve happened. 

So, last weekend I learned, through talking with a mutual friend, that my ex-wifeÕs situation had made an unexplainable shift in a positive direction. Though she had been unemployed for several years (continually getting very close to employment and then losing out in the last interviews), she suddenly has an interesting job. She was able to sell her home for a substantial sum of money which is allowing her a sense of empowerment and possibility. She is optimistic about beginning a new chapter in her life, open to learning from her mistakes and examining them in psychotherapy. 

I found myself feeling very happy for her and relieved for everyone. Then I thought back to when she had been so near to disaster and I looked at my calendar to see if it actually had been as recently as it felt. Indeed I found out that it had been barely 7 weeks since the situation had been dangerously hopeless. As I thought about this timeline, I realized that it was utterly impossible for that "transformation" to have occurred in that amount of time without hoards of Help from the Cosmos. So I asked the Sage if my asking for help 7 weeks ago had helped initiate this transformation. I got (+++). Of course, I was watching out for ego intrusion and was careful not to think I was the one who helped, but I did know that I was the one who had asked for help for her. So I asked next if ego was intruding into my questioning right now and got (---).

I began thinking about why the Sage would want me to know so absolutely clearly that the Help I had asked for had been so instrumental in this "transformation." So, I asked if the reason the Sage wanted me to have this knowledge was so that I would realize the significant impact that could be made from asking for help for another person and got (++). At this point I figured that the Sage mainly wanted me to be very convinced of how much Help could be generated by merely asking for it, so that I would continue to do so for other people. 

The next day my phone rang unexpectedly and it was my ex-wife. We had not spoken for years. She had called to apologize to me for betraying me and for denying that betrayal. She spoke of all she was learning about herself and realizations of all the mistakes she had made in her life. She spoke of wanting to do things differently now and feeling open to doing so. I felt appreciative of this apology and acknowledgment of what had happened between us. I also felt pressure from her to return to our relationship to repair it all. I internally asked the Sage and Helpers in my own presence for Help and found myself saying what I needed to say. I told her that although I appreciated deeply what she was saying, I had healed from the hurts and that healing included a boundary that required separate space and distance from her. I told her that I wished her well and that I had even "prayed" for her when I heard how she was suffering 7 weeks ago. As we ended the meeting, we both felt a peaceful resolution, although she told me to phone her if ever I changed my mind. 

Later that evening I found myself thinking about how the Sage had wanted me to know so clearly that it was my asking for Help for my ex-wife that had brought such a sudden change of events in her life. Then I thought about the pressure I'd felt from her to reconcile. Then I realized, and got confirmation through rtcm (Retrospective-Three-Coin Method), that the Sage had, in part, wanted me to have the knowledge that I had been able to facilitate Help for my ex-wife in order for me to better "defend" myself against any guilt pressure I might feel for saying No to her. I found myself thinking, "No. I've done enough for her. The Help she has just received from the Cosmos probably saved her life and she has another chance to move toward her True Self. If I feel the need to help her, I can help her more by asking for Help for her than anything I could ever do in a reconciliation. 

by Fred from Fresno
 

Talking with Kids about the Tsunami

Parents here in New York City may particularly recall the challenge of discussing death, crisis, and tragedy with their kids. But it's an all-too-common fact of life in our time, no matter where you go; you might say it's become one of the defining dynamics of our era. If there can be said to be any transformative potential in such moments as 9/11 or the recent tsunami disaster, it lies in the way such shocks still the voice of ego and allow us to communicate on a more spontaneous and open plane of awareness -- especially with our children. To speak and listen honestly, openly, and respectfully with your kid (or any kid, for that matter) is one of the truly nourishing moments in a parent's life. These are truly the moments that promote the general healing in the field of consciousness that is so urgently needed after a crisis like the tsunami disaster of Asia. 

My experience in this vein came yesterday -- New Year's Eve -- as I was writing my "grownup piece" on the disaster. My daughter approached me here at the computer as I was working, saw what I was doing, and asked if I was writing about "that thing that happened in India, where all the people died." 

In the discussion that followed, I found, once again, that you will avoid mistakes if you discard from the beginning the attitude of the parent "explaining things" to the child. That approach always fails because it puts adult and child on an unequal footing -- I had observed this during the days after 9/11. So, this time, I asked Maria (my daughter) what she had heard about the disaster, and then I described what I was writing, and why. I pointed to the computer, where I had opened the CNN story (referenced in my "Two Questions" piece) about the odd fact that no dead animals were being found at the site of the disaster, and this got a spirited conversation going between us. Maria, a great lover of animals (not just dogs and cats, but any animal she comes across) was visibly relieved and happy to see that the animals seem to have escaped before the tsunamis arrived; and that allowed me to ask her some questions about what that might mean for us people. This led in turn to a lively and often humorous conversation about evolution, the animal nature of people, and the relationship between humans and their planet. 

The conclusions we arrived at together in this conversation were, first, that Nature is not to be blamed or demonized for these events (this is a common error made by the mass media, making Nature into a monster); second, that whether we're descended from apes or from cats (there was a friendly disagreement on this point), people need to learn how to be animals again, so that they can benefit from the blessings that our animal nature offers us, and not just be "all brain" and nothing else. Welcoming your animal nature is not about thinking less, but feeling more -- it doesn't mean that you "give up" your thinking self or your language; it just means that you get rid of the dumb ideas that people have come up with about our animal nature being "lowly" and "sinful." Feeling your animal-nature also helps you to develop a more modest and mature vision of Nature, and the place that humans have in its vast fabric of diversity. Believe me: a ten-year old can understand this!
Finally, we agreed that we need to do whatever we can to help -- if they're organizing donation drives among the kids at school next week, Maria will get involved. And I reminded her of something else that we talk of frequently: Helpers. I said I'd be calling on Cosmic help to come to the aid of the people in India, Thailand, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, and the other countries whose people had been hurt; and I asked Maria if she could call Helpers too. Maria knows all about Helpers, and calls on them herself whenever she feels a need, so she understood what I meant by calling Helpers for the people in Asia. 

Based on this and other experiences I've had with Maria, I would remind other parents of the one guiding principle of parenting that I've had to continually remind myself of, whenever I'm tempted to "take control" and get pedantic on my kid: this is what I call the Principle of Sufficiency. Kids are born with all the neuro-cognitive and ontogenetic material and wherewithal to successfully navigate life with very little Êsteering from their parents and other adults in their lives. Successful parenting, I have repeatedly found, is more about getting out of the kid's way than channeling her with pedagogy. Development happens when parents and teachers are able to show kids that they already know how to handle the myriad of tasks and responsibilities involved with living a decent human life -- reminding them of it, and then stepping out of the way and just watching. Thus, the guiding metaphor for teaching children is not the cultivation of an empty field but rather the tending of an already verdant garden. 

I know this principle seems rather simplistic (remember, it's a principle, not a prescription), but my experience tells me that it works. 
In fact, the greater the emotional import of the situation at hand, the more essential it is for the parent to guide as gently and minimalistically as possible. The other point I might have for parents in such encounters is not to feel religiously bound to instructional minutiae from "experts" in developmental psychology or such matters. If you're trying to remember a script that Dr. So-and-So had laid out during Good Morning America today, then you're not connecting with your kid at the most crucial time! 

If people would only come to recognize the value of simple Love -- not love-as-possession or love-as-claim or any other kind of ego-warped love -- if they would only open their awareness to the essence of Love as the deep connection between autonomous individuals; the force that provides insight, communication, and protection -- then the fears, commandments, conflicts, divisions, petty moralisms, and pedantry of our culture would instantly be dispersed from the hearts of parents and children.

by Brian Donahue

Uncovering an Old Wound

I recently had a dream which showed me how deeply programmed I am by the past, and how Helpers can locate and heal old wounds. 

I am in a room with 2 men. One man asks how my feet are doing. I look down to see old scars all over my feet. The other man lifts up my right foot and turns it over, showing a bandage on the sole of the right foot. I get a little nervous. Suddenly, he tears off the bandage, and I can see that the wound revealed is festering, and covered over by three big blisters. He quickly pulls out a razor blade and slices open all 3 blisters. I am shocked, I start hyperventilating - the other man looks kindly at me straight in the eyes, as he grabs my arm and helps me down to the floor. I roll over and begin sobbing deeply. Then I woke up, feeling renewed. 
By consulting the Sage with the 3 coins, after this dream, I learned that these unhealed wounds were from my mother's ancestors. These wounds were the memories of people who had seen and lived through the devastation of many wars - their anger and fear. This wound came from my mother to me. The Sage confirmed that this wound was the cause of an underlying feeling of emotional obliteration, which I have carried through my whole life, but I never had an explanation for. 
I also learned from the Sage that the man who cut the wound open was some aspect of myself, and the other man (who kindly helped me down) was a Helper. 
The Oracle of the Cosmic Way is unique, revolutionary, and wonderful. There is no way in words that I can adequately relay the importance of this information (contained in the book) to me. I begin now to apprehend the movement of living and being as a relationship between the visible and invisible worlds - ultimately one whole world.

by CW

Cinco is Going Away

Here's a poignant experience about being Equal with other beings who have feeling consciousness: I enjoyed the good company of a huge grey and white cat named Cinco. We had known each other since his birth, but it was the I CHING:ORACLE that moved me into caring for him as an Equal. As a token of this equality, I had my message machine tell people to leave me messages in English and to leave Cinco messages in Cat, which many people did. (Not that we really know Cat.) 
A couple Monday nights ago as I was giving him his goodnight rubdown, I "heard" with my Inner hearing a very clear message: "This is the last time you will see each other, so you need to say what you need to say." So Cinco and I told each other how much we had enjoyed one another's company and how much we respected each other. 
There was no grief or fear involved in this message, but instead, a delicious sense of reality and timing. I'm sure it was the Sage Presence with us. 
Then Cinco went away. I haven't seen him since, and I cannot say for sure what happened to him. Even though I have cried about his absence in my house, I have been grateful for his presence in my life, because I know that, thanks to the Sage and the Helpers, my Cat Cinco and I were very True with each other while we were both in Form and in Time. 
This experience gives me clear instruction on how to be with all-my-equals, and I am amazed at this opportunity to learn. 

by Kathairein Magdalena

The Helper of Death

A week or two ago, a line in the Oracle book was pointed out to me indicating that there was someone I had not yet met, who was dying and needed help with the process. 
I tried to forget about it but it stayed with me until I finally looked up the definition of death in the back of the book. I hoped it would be one of the elderly friends of friends I know who are very ill and in pain a lot. 
No, it was the child of a friend I used to work with that had an accident. Incredulous, I asked if I was supposed to ask the Helpers of Death on behalf of this child and got +++ for the first time in weeks. 
Relying on the fact that the Cosmos knows better than I, I began to feel what I had already known as I read on about the transformation of consciousness after physical life in a body ends. I had read it before but it gave me no comfort. This time I understood it much better. I also understood that my feeling unqualified to do what I am plainly being asked to do, is not helpful. This is all very important to me now because I see that in feeling helpless (to ask for help), I had put myself in a prison. I can see how efficiently the Cosmos uses these little adjustments in me to harmonize the whole situation. 

by Hanna Moog